


Pining and Boldness

by nevereatdirt



Category: The War at Home
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 09:36:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5043235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevereatdirt/pseuds/nevereatdirt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenny has loved his best friend for years.  He's loved him for so long that he can hardly remember a time when he <i>didn't</i> feel so strong about him.  But he's noticed changes in the other teen.  Noticed that there's something bothering him and he isn't entirely sure what that is.  He wants to make things right, and to tell him how he feels, but something always stops him.  Something he knows has to be <i>fear.</i>  Meanwhile his best friend, Larry, has been questioning himself.  Questioning why he's so upset over such trivial things.  Questioning why his best friend's boyfriend would tell him something he just <i>knows</i> can't be true.  Though the last few weeks of summer break can lead to some strange happenings.  And senior year means changes for both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i love these two with a fucking passion and i was so devastated when i realized that there was nothing of them on here. the fic is planned to be a five years fic in a part of a series [with this fic being year one] though i'm sure plans may change. this is starting in 2009 just for the sake of having skype and the fifth year being 2015 for my own fucking sanity

Laying in his bed, Kenny isn't sure that this is exactly _kosher_ or even _halal_. He's done this most nights since he was twelve and, even then, he'd never been sure if it was something he should be doing. It wasn't like he wasn't aware of how he felt. He knew even at a young age that he was just... Different. Unlike his best friend, he'd never gotten crushes on girls. He'd been head over heels for a couple celebrities growing up, sure. And now, well, he's absolutely infatuated with his best friend and neighbor.

Which is precisely why he's laying in bed while his parents are out of the house and thinking about Lawrence Alan Gold. His best friend. Larry. He feels like the most terrible of the terrible as he palms at himself, biting at the knuckle of his other hand with a gentle whine and his eyes clenched shut. He's always felt bad about this. Always felt like he's somehow betraying his friend's trust with the actions.

Nonetheless his hand moves and the whimpers leave him as his excitement grows. He half wishes he could just open up to his friend. Wishes he could just fucking _tell_ him that he was head over heels and that his heart breaks a little every time he sees him with a girl. He knows it's so damn selfish to want the other boy to himself. To want to have him and keep him to himself, but... That isn't really what he wants, right? He just wants to be allowed to _love_ him the way he already does without having to _hide_ it. That's fair, it _has_ to be. He rubs at his growing hardness with another whine which is quickly cut off when he hears the chime of a Skype call from his laptop.

Swallowing thickly, he looks up at the screen and sees that it's the very boy he's been thinking about. Pulling his knuckle from his teeth and wincing some at the little indents he's left, he gets up and pulls his laptop toward him to answer the call. Larry is there grinning with his camera on already and Kenny can't help but to smile back when he turns his own camera on. “Larry, what's up? I just got back from your house. Did I forget something?”

Larry laughs and just shakes his head. “No! Nothing like that. I just wanted to show you something.” The grin is still on his lips and Kenny can't help but to be enthralled.

Show him something? Oh the things he wants to show the other here and now with the dull throbbing of his arousal and he knows that he's not going to be much use in this call. He'll have blue balls by the end of it if nothing else. But he's dealt with that since he was twelve he could deal with now. Hopefully. “Oh? And... Just what did you want to show me?” His heart flutters at the idea that it could be some kind of a confession but he knows that it isn't.

“Okay I'm gonna share my screen. You told me you wanted to go to another con, right? Well...” The screen share comes up and Kenny stares a moment, trying to figure out just what he's looking at. “I found this one! It's not for another couple months, _but_ I think that since it's so close? We could totally talk my parents into letting us go alone!”

He flounders for a moment at the idea. Three days. Alone. With Larry. In a hotel room. “Larry as much I love that idea, I mean... My dad wouldn't want me to stay in a hotel room alone with you anymore. You know that.”

He sighs, scrunching his nose and rubbing at the back of his neck. “I mean it's not like I'm _Dylan_. I'm your best friend, not your boyfriend.” He makes the point with a point at the camera and Kenny scrunches his nose.

“The word you're looking for is _ex_ -boyfriend, Lare.”

The breakup had hurt. It had hurt him a _lot_ . He still isn't sure where he'd gone wrong. Had he not done enough? Had he done too _much_? Dylan had said he could tell that he wasn't entirely happy. That he was still pining. But it was hard to not pine when you lived with the person you were in love with. Or when you could practically see him from your bedroom window.

Larry hangs his head, scratching at the back of his neck. “Sorry, Kenny... Hey we'll figure this out though, okay? It'll totally just be you and me! Even if Hillary has to drive us I'll totally put up with her.”

“Larry, come on. Your sister isn't that bad. You should spend more time with her.” He's been saying that since the awkward week she'd tried to make him her boyfriend, but it always seems to fall on deaf ears.

“Yeah, I mean she's not as bad as Mike at least. That doesn't matter right now, though. What matters is that my parents made you go home because it was dark and yours have that curfew for you. But they're not home tonight... Right?”

“Yeah, they're visiting my aunt Tibah in Pennsylvania. They probably won't be back for a week.”

Larry furrows his brow and stares for a second as he processes the information. “Wait you're alone for a week?” His voice gets high the way Kenny knows it does when he's nervous and it confuses him to an extent.

“Uh, yeah? Why?”

He stares at his keyboard, chewing at his cheek as he leans back in his chair. “Why didn't they take you with, though? I mean you're their only son, so...”

“Larry I'm gay. This is my father's sister, she's... She's nice. But I don't think she'd be _that_ nice.”

“What does you being gay have to do with anything?”

It has to do with everything when he's staring at the boy he loves so much it hurts. It has to do with even more when he knows that his cousins constantly have friends over. And when his aunt tries to set him up with the girls that visit his cousins. “It's just family stuff. I mean... Do you like it when your dad constantly badgers you about getting a girlfriend?”

“God no.”

“Neither do I. That's why they let me stay home. That and so I wouldn't blurt out that I was gay to get her to _stop_.” He huffs, smiling weakly and moving so he was sitting a little more comfortably.

“Dude why don't I stay over tomorrow? Or you could stay here! Just so you're not alone for the week. We've still got that room in the basement set up for you. We could just. You know. Watch movies. Chill. That torrent of the complete original series of Doctor Who finally finished why don't we marathon that?”

If he were brave he would say how much that sounds like a date. He'd say even just watching movies with Larry was enough for him. But he isn't. He's a coward and he knows it. “Yeah let's do that. I'm really tired, though, Larry. I think I'm just gonna write in my journal and get some sleep right now, okay?”

Larry deflates a little, his shoulders sinking some at the comment and he looks away, something obviously eating at him. “Oh, uh... Yeah. Yeah that's fine.”

“Larry.” He tilts his head toward him, already knowing that something is wrong. “You're being weird. What's wrong?”

“Oh, um. It's nothing, okay? I'll talk to you about it later. Get some sleep I'll call you while I'm getting ready for the club meeting.”

He sucks at his lower lip a moment and just gives a little nod. “All right. Sounds like a plan. Night, Larry.”

“Night, Kenny.”

He hangs up before Kenny has a chance to say anything else but it leaves the boy with a strange sinking feeling. Larry has been _strange_ since he'd moved out. And even stranger since Dylan had broken up with him. He isn't sure what's wrong, but he feels like he should probably ask sometime soon.

Doing his best to shrug it off, he logs out of Skype so he isn't interrupted by anyone else, who would really be Hillary or Dylan and neither of them were talking to him of late. But tucking his laptop aside he flops onto his back and covers his face with his hands. Had he hurt Larry by having to go? Really he loves his friend so much that hurting him in anyway is the _last_ thing he wants to do.

But why would having to go have hurt him? He's had to go like that before, of course but... Maybe it was just that he hadn't told him his parents were gone? Yeah that had to have been it. He'd had every intention of telling him. Tomorrow. But really he just wanted one night to himself where all that's expected of him is to relax. Initially he was going to read a few fics and maybe even write after he'd taken care of his growing arousal. But now... Now he feels like he just punched a puppy in its adorable face and he can't bring himself to do anything but lay there. Maybe just writing in his journal and going to bed _is_ the best thing to do for the night.

With a sigh, he gets up from his bed and heads to the bathroom after gathering a fluffy towel and his comfiest pajamas so that he can take a shower. With the hot spray on his skin he unceremoniously takes care of himself, a low whine of his friend's name escaping him as he brings himself over the edge. He watches as his come mixes with his body wash and water, swirling down the drain and he can't take his eyes off the sight for what feels like an eternity. When he feels the water start to go a little cold, he shivers and turns the heat back up just a little to finish the shower.

Climbing out, he grabs his towel and begins to dry off, only looking in the mirror when he realizes that this hair is going to end up matted and gross if he sleeps on it. Resigning to himself that he's going to have to stay up, he pulls on his underwear and pajama pants and heads back to his room. He sits on the bed with his towel around his shoulders and picks his laptop back up. Logging into Skype again he just sends Larry a message.

 

[8/7/2009 10:12:06 PM] Ynnek: heyyy larry!!! :)

[8/7/2009 10:13:34 PM] Ynnek: i took a shower and realized i cant sleep on my hair when its wet :(

 

He waits, staring at the computer with his thick brows furrowed and his lips pursed. Usually it doesn't take this long for him to respond... Has he done something wrong? God he must have fucked up with Larry if he's not responding... Swallowing thickly he just shakes his head. Another ten minutes. That's all he needs to wait and then he'll ask if he's there.

With the ten minutes going by he can feel his hair drying and he knows that he'll have to brush out the curls before it gets too dry, but Larry still hasn't responded.

 

[8/7/2009 10:27:03 PM] Ynnek: ...larry?

[8/7/2009 10:27:49 PM] Ynnek: are you there?

[8/7/2009 10:31:12 PM] Ynnek: im calling u

 

Hitting the call button he listens to the call sound and drums his fingers against his keyboard, his leg bouncing nervously as he waits. When the call is answered Larry looks disheveled, his hair a mess and his cheeks a brilliant shade of pink but all he does is stare at the camera. “What is it? I was. Uh. I was doing sit-ups.” He flexes his arms like he's trying to show them off and Kenny can't help but to just side eye him a little.

“I was just worried. You _never_ take that long to respond when you're online.” He watches his friend carefully, taking note of the way his flush has spread down his chest and the way he's still breathing roughly. “So, uh, you must really be straining yourself with those push-ups, eh Lare?”

“What?” he pauses a second and looks around like he's looking for any kind of reason to not have to have this conversation. “Uh yeah. Yeah totally straining myself with the push ups.”

Kenny stops, a grin crossing his face as he shakes his head. “No you weren't.”

“What? Yeah I totally was. I'm gonna be ripped. Totally ripped.” He stares, his brows furrowed with worry and his voice cracking as he speaks and that's when Kenny knows.

“You definitely weren't doing push-ups. You said you were doing sit-ups when I asked earlier, Lare.”

His jaw falls some, eyes darting over Kenny as he flounders for what to say. “I was. Uh. I was working on learning how to dance better.”

“Really?” Kenny grins, moving with his laptop to the bathroom so he can brush through his hair. “Show me! I wanna see you dance.” He grabs his brush and starts fixing the mess of already tangled curls in his hair.

“Show you? Uh... I don't know if it's _ready_ yet.”

He pouts, tilting his head and looking back at Larry's bed only to notice a magazine open on the spread. “Larry you're _really_ bad at lying to me.”

His face reddens and his eyes go wide as he looks around the room frantically. “What?”

“Larry. It's still on your bed.” He points behind him and laughs, just shaking his head. “You could have just ignored the call and said you were having some personal time I wouldn't have been upset.” Even though a call from Larry had interrupted his own. Why would he care? He fucking loves this boy and he'd rather he get to talk to him than rub one out.

“It's, you know. That's all private and personal.”

“We tell each other _everything_ , Larry.” He points it out, chewing on his lower lip as he brushes at the curls.

“You told my dad you were gay before you told me, Kenny. I think I can jerk off without telling you.” He grumbles to himself, his face flushing more as he looks away.

His expression sinks, watching his screen for a moment as his lip trembles. “That was... That was different.” He clears his throat, looking away. “I just... Wasn't ready before then.”

“I don't wanna talk about this right now, Kenny. I think I'm just gonna, you know. Get some sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

Before he has a chance to say anything, the call is ended and Kenny is left with a pang in his chest. He finishes brushing his hair, and goes back to his room. He sets his laptop down and pulls his pajama shirt on only to write in his journal until, finally, he falls asleep.

His dreams are strange and vivid but when he wakes up he can't remember them and it leaves a strange emptiness in him. He wishes he could pin point the strangeness, but he doesn't have the time or the energy for that.

It's a Friday, though. And he and Larry have a chess club meeting to get to. Even if school hasn't started yet they've still got to go. He gets dressed quickly and goes to the Gold's house for breakfast. It's become sort of a tradition for him since he'd been kicked out of his own home and now he just likes eating the strangely sugary cereal they always seem to have. Even if his mother would probably yell at him for it. Sitting at the table he smiles when he sees Larry but the other ignores him. It hurts him, yes, but he can't say anything. Not with Mr. Gold sitting there and Mrs. Gold telling them one of her fantastical stories about her college days.

He likes it here, even if they're bigoted. They're still somehow better than his own family. Or at the very least they're better to _him_.

Once they've all eaten, Larry and Kenny head for the bus stop and wait there together. Kenny's legs bounce nervously and he clears his throat awkwardly. “About last night...?”

“Stop it Kenny. I really don't want to talk about this, okay?” Larry looks at him, his brow furrowed and a soft frown on his face as he shakes his head. “It doesn't matter.”

“But it _does_ matter, Larry!” He rests a hand on the other's shoulder and a hand over his own heart as he speaks, tilting his head “You mean the world to me, Lare, and I _hurt_ you. I didn't even mean to...”

Larry sighs, jerking his shoulder away and just shaking his head. “It really doesn't matter. It's done. It happened. And now it's over.”

Kenny takes his hand back and wrings them in his lap until the bus arrives. They ride together in silence and, when they get to the school they walk to the room together in silence.

He takes a deep breath as they enter the club room. At least they'd stayed together that far, right?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the pov is going to ping pong from chapter to chapter here! this one is larry's pov :")

 Months prior, when Kenny was still happily dating Dylan and there was little to no awkwardness between Kenny and Larry, there was still one little piece of awkwardness there between Larry and the then senior.

It wasn't that the two didn't get along. In fact they'd been fast friends and found out that there were a _lot_ of similarities between the two. So far as Larry could tell the biggest difference between them aside from their age was that Dylan was gay. Which in the end wasn't really all that much, was it? It was just having different tastes and he didn't really want to think about the things that the other teen did with his best friend.

Though in a weird way he _did_.

Which must have been something that Dylan had picked up on because a very awkward conversation happened near the end of the school year.

“Hey, Larry?” Dylan sat down beside him in the park one day while the three of them were out. Kenny was off getting their lunch, since he'd offered to pay with some of his saved up birthday money and neither of them could squash his ideas, but it left just the two of them for a little talk.

“What's up?” He fidgeted awkwardly, tucking his phone in his pocket as he looked over the other teen.

Dylan had seemed so _serious_ and that alone had Larry worried. Was something wrong? Oh god what if something had happened to Kenny that he hadn't told him about? “I've... Gotta talk to you about something.”

“Okay? Go ahead, man. What is it?”

He took a deep breath, eyes closed as he pushed back his hair and thought on how best to say what he was going to say. “I'm not sure Kenny likes me. As much as I like him I mean.”

Larry just snorted and shook his head. “What are you talking about? He loves you, Dylan.”

“Yeah, I... I know. But I'm pretty sure he likes someone else a hell of a lot more.” He'd looked at Larry with hurt filled eyes and just shook his head. “And I think they like him, too.”

Larry's eyes went wide at the statement and he looked around. “Who... Who likes him?”

He'd always liked knowing who liked his best friend. Maybe it was a sick obsession. Maybe it was jealously. He couldn't really tell, though. But Dylan just shook his head. “I think you do, but. I won't press you on that.”

There it was. The words that cut Larry to his core. Yes, he _did_ love his friend but... “I'm not gay. I mean. I like girls.” He laughed nervously, looking around but not making any kind of eye contact.

“Just because you like girls doesn't mean you can't like boys too. It's called being bi or even pan, Larry.” He quirked an eyebrow and his irritation was more than a little apparent at just how dense the other teen apparently was.

“Wait there's a _word_ for that?” Despite being a twenty-first century teen Larry felt uneducated on things like this. He'd never really asked Kenny about it and, really, he was still a little offended that he'd told his dad about things before he'd brought it up to him.

Though after their conversation, Larry noticed the way that Kenny talked to him. Noticed the little things he did that he didn't do for anyone else. It hurt, really. Knowing that his best friend had liked him that way for so long but never said anything about it.

So maybe that's why he was so upset about the little call they'd had. Maybe that's why he stayed quiet through the bus ride.

He feels like a selfish brat, really. He'd been so jealous of the way his parents had treated him while he was staying in their house, and now he was upset that he hadn't told him how he'd felt when he still hadn't even brought up that he was. Well. Probably not straight.

Sitting in the chess club room, they play a few games and, of course, Kenny wins them all. It's to be expected from the chess club president though, right? After a good half hour, they get up for a bit of a break and head to the cafeteria for a snack.

On the way there, though, they run into one of the members of the lacrosse team who is more than likely there for summer practice. Or just for regular old summer school. The larger teen's shoulder slams against Kenny and he huffs one of those stupid cavemen laughs that make Larry want to _scream_. “Hey fag,” he stares down at Kenny, eyes narrowed, “You should watch where you're going.”

Kenny just sighs, closing his eyes and looking up at him with his jaw set. “Sorry, Shawn. Won't happen again.” Ever since he'd been strung up on the flagpole, Kenny's been so weirdly submissive to those assholes that it makes Larry want to lash out.

“You're fucking _right_ it won't happen again, fag.” He shoves him again and this time Larry steps between them, glaring up at the larger teen.

“Shawn, just. Leave him alone!” He stares up, not sure where his courage is coming from but the next words out of the other's mouth make him tense.

“Oh what? Defending your boyfriend? Big fucking surprise. If you want me to _stop_ so much why don't you do something about it?”

He moves in closer and Larry reacts in a way he's only felt once. In a panic, he pulls his fist back and punches the other n the face. He wasn't as tall as his dad, that was for sure, so it was a little easier to reach his face. But still when he hears the smack of skin against skin he lets out a scream and runs away. Not his bravest moment, that was for sure, but he tried.

Hiding out in one of the boy's bathrooms, he isn't sure what he's done was the right thing to do. He's probably going to end up stuffed in a locker again and he can't have that happen. With a sigh he just stays in the stall he found as a hiding place and waits. He stays on his phone playing games for a while and he isn't sure how long it is before he hears the door open.

He tenses, praying to whatever kind of god or gods there might be out there that whoever is coming into the room isn't there to pummel him for what he did to Shawn fucking Keating. “Larry?” Kenny's voice makes him breathe a sigh of relief but still he doesn't move. “It's just me, I... I took care of Shawn.”

Crawling out from his hiding place, Larry brushes himself off and gives him a weak smile. “Uh, sorry for running off like that.”

Kenny just smiles and shakes his head. “Don't worry about it. Before you shrieked it was... Actually kind of badass.” He nods, his eyes wide a the notion.

“What did you do to get him to leave you alone, though?”

Kenny shrugs, not really seeming bothered by the question despite a deep furrow in his brow. “It was nothing. We just had a little... talk. Nothing a member of the debate team couldn't handle.” He clears his throat and chews at his lower lip a moment before gesturing with his head. “Let's just go get some food, though. After talking to him I just feel like I need to wash my mouth out.” He giggles almost nervously and tilts his head as they leave, his hands in his jacket pockets.

Larry sighs as they leave the bathroom, his brow furrowed and his eyes on the ground. “Hey, um... Thanks.”

“Thanks for what?” He stares with wide eyes and his lips parted ever so slightly.

“Just.. Thanks for being my friend even when I'm an asshole.” He nudges him with his elbow and smiles as they leave the bathroom. As they walk through the halls, he notices Dylan who gives them a little nod before he goes his own way. Larry licks his lips, thinking for a moment about just what it was he should bring up. Doing it now wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe once they get back home... They could talk at Kenny's house without being interrupted. That seemed like the best plan. “Hey, uh, you still wanna have that sleepover tonight?”

Kenny laughs again and just nods, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Of course I do! We can see what terrible movies are on Netflix and eat all the junk food we want! Well. So long as your parent's don't mind.”

“Actually I thought we could stay at your house this time? I mean your parents are out of town so I figured we could stay up as late as we want! Though we might have to get some snacks or something I mean my mom would totally loan you her car!”

He nods along as Larry speaks before running a hand through his curls. “You think she would? Remember what happened last time we took her car?”

“Well... I won't be driving this time! And I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with it so long as I'm not pretending to be my mom again.”

“Okay, you've convinced me, Larry.” He claps a hand on his shoulder as they get back to the cafeteria. “We've got a whole night ahead of us to plan, though! You could stay over all weekend or even until the debate club meeting on Tuesday!” He bounces a little as they wait by the vending machines, each of them selecting their snacks before going to a table.

“Oh wow I guess I hadn't thought of that!” He grins as they sit, both of them going on excitedly about shows they're going to watch and games they're going to play. It feels like things are almost normal again despite all the strangeness that's been building around them.

Larry has a feeling that he could let things stay the way they always have. Both of them dancing around what they've been meaning to say for years now. But it has to change and he knows it.

So he sets his mind to the very real fact that he'll be changing it. Tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

Dealing with bullies like Shawn Keating had never been Kenny's favorite thing. Especially not since he'd come out. Some of them had always been terrible to him, Shawn included, but for the past six months things had just gotten  _ worse _ . It wasn't that he couldn't handle it. In fact he's always thought that he was tougher than people gave him credit for. But really handling it the way he did now was... Kind of humiliating.

Once Larry had hit him, the big man was in a fuming kind of rage and Kenny had to pull him out of the cafeteria into the empty locker room with wide scared eyes. With a deep breath he held his hands up. “Shawn, just... Don't go after Larry. I'll do anything just. Don't hurt him, okay?” His voice was raw and hurt. He hated seeing Larry hurt and he would really do anything to keep it from happening.

And maybe the bully could see that. Could see the way Kenny so obviously cared about his friend. “All right then, fag. Down on your knees.”

Kenny hated this part. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened, as much as he hated to admit it. He moved a little further into the locker room, away from the doors, and did what he was told. Hand gripping roughly at the fabric of his jeans he looked up with a pained expression. “If I do this you won't bother either of us again, right?”

“Yeah. Now get fucking to it.”

And so he did. He unzipped the other's pants and, only a little hesitantly, pulled him out. Fortunately he wasn't terribly large but still. He  _ hated _ this part. It wasn't even like he'd never done this. In fact he and Dylan had made it to third base and he was kind of  _ good _ at this if he did say so himself. Even if the baseball analogy wasn't really one he totally understood, it was strange to realize that he'd made it pretty far for a seventeen year old who'd only ever dated one boy for such a relatively short period of time.

And now he felt like he was just the whore in the bathroom, keeping assholes from hurting his friend. He hated it so fucking much, especially as the bitter taste of precum hit his tongue. If this were someone he liked, even a little, he would probably have been excited. But this was all business. Even as he felt the other come and listened to the weird death screams he let out.

When he was done, Kenny got up and spat into the shower without a second thought on it at all. That wasn't something he wanted inside of him. Ever. But still he looked up at Shawn and saw the dazed look in his eyes. “We're good, right? I don't... Have to do that again?” He chewed at his lip nervously, hoping that he really didn't ever have to do that again to him. He'd tasted like  _ cheese _ in the worst kind of way.

The jock gave a lopsided grin as he tucked himself back into his underwear and jeans, humming at the question. “I dunno. We might just have to come to a little agreement, you little whore mouthed pita pocket.”

He sighed as he got up from the floor, wrapping his arms around himself and just shaking his head. “No, that... That isn't what I mean, Shawn. We're good, right? You'll leave Larry and me alone?”

The door opened and Kenny tensed. If it was another jock what just happened wasn't going to matter. He'd done that for fucking  _ nothing _ and he was ready to cry already. Though when he heard a familiar voice, he couldn't help but to perk up. “Hello? Kenny?”

He cleared his throat and looked past the hulking teen in front of him. “I'm in here, Dylan!”

Dylan loped into the room, hands resting on his hips as he looked between the other two teens. Looking up at Shawn he pursed his lips and tilted his head. “You mind, buddy? I've gotta steal Kenny away for a sec. We've got a real pickle in the theatre!” Without waiting for a response from the still dazed teen, he gripped Kenny's wrist and pulled him out, leading him through the halls in silence.

After what felt like an eternity, he stopped by the theatre and cleared his throat. “So.”

Kenny took a deep breath and let it out slowly, shaking his head. “Thanks. I'm just... Gonna go look for Larry now, though, okay?”

“No that's... Really not okay.” He sighed, looking into the open auditorium as he pulled his hair back and out of his face. “I need to talk to you.”

He held himself tightly, fingers digging into his arms as he looked away. “I don't want to talk to you, Dylan. You helped me. I thanked you. I just... Want to go now.” It was more than apparent just how bitter he was over everything, despite how grateful he was for being pulled away from what had just happened.

He sighed, rubbing at his eyes before rolling up his sleeves. “Look. Kenny. I know that I hurt you when we broke up. I'm sorry for that, really I am.” He rested a hand on the other's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You have to believe when I say it was for the best, okay?”

Snorting he just rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Because everyone knows what's best for me regardless of what I say.” He looked away, not wanting to listen to what the other way saying but knowing that he wasn't going to have a choice.

“Kenny...” He sighed, hanging his head and trying to get into his line of sight even a little. “Khaleel. When we were dating you meant the world to me. And you still do. But I know that you don't feel that way about me and that's  _ okay _ .”

His gaze snapped to the other at his first name, nose scrunched and brow furrowed. “Don't  _ call  _ me that. And... If I mean so much to you then why did you break up with me? What did I do that was so... So  _ wrong _ ?”

“Nothing. You did  _ nothing  _ wrong, okay? I could just... I could just tell that you loved someone else.” The words left him quickly and he looked away. “I know how you feel about Larry, Kenny. I'm positive that everyone does.” He paused letting out a weak hum. “Well. Everyone but him, maybe.”

The statement made Kenny let out a soft, almost pained laugh and he covered his face with his hand. “Yeah. Yeah I know, Dylan. What don't I know about that? I'm in love with my straight best friend and it hurts to the core, and there's nothing I can do about it. So tell me. Tell me what I _don't_ know.” His tone stayed angry and bitter, a practical snarl crossing his usually peaceful face.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You don't know that he's basically head over heels with you too.”

“No he's not.” Kenny just shook his head, eyes wide as he watched Dylan. “You're  _ lying _ .”

“Why would I lie to you, Kenny? Just... I'm like ninety percent sure he's bi. Just... Talk to him, okay? And... If he doesn't feel that way, well... I'm still here for you, okay?” His hand tangled in the fabric of Kenny's shirt as he watched him intently and he could see that Kenny at least believed a little of what he was saying.

He swallowed thickly, just nodding as he stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to the other's cheek. “You're right... Okay. I'll talk to him. But first I have to go find him.” He huffed softly, averting his gaze.

“Go find him. You should probably get something to drink soon, though. Don't want that nasty taste on your lips too long.”

Kenny just swatted him in the shoulder. “That's  _ disgusting _ . Though I guess... Not as disgusting as that whole...  _ Ordeal  _ was.” He scrunched his nose and just shook his head. “I'm gonna go find him now, though. I'll... I'll see you later.” He waved, taking his leave and hurrying though the halls. Finding Larry didn't take him long. It never did when he knew the best hiding places in school.

But once they'd left the bathroom and found a table in the cafeteria, Kenny settles in and drinks half of his orange soda in one long drink, setting it down with a contented sigh as the taste on his tongue is finally washed away. They sit in the cafeteria for nearly an hour and a half in practical silence before going back to the club room and gathering the few things they'd brought with them earlier.

Clearing his throat, Larry broke the comfortable silence between them with a simple question. “So... What did you  _ say _ to Shawn to get him to leave me alone?”

“What?” His eyes go a little wide and he knows that he'll have to think on his feet. “Well, I mean... I've got a way with words and I'm good at debate. You know that, you've seen me on the debate team.”

Larry snorts, elbowing him as they walk down the hall, a little half grin on his face. “You don't have to be modest, Kenny! Did he cry? Oh my god  _ please _ tell me you got some low blows in!”

He laughs nervously and looks away for a second, rubbing at the back of his throat. “Uh, yeah. Low blows were definitely a thing. He didn't cry, though. But I don't think he liked being on the receiving end of an irate Iranian.” The jokes were in bad taste and really only to himself, but maybe someday Larry would look back on it all and just laugh.

Maybe someday he could too without wanting to vomit.

“Oh man, Kenny that's awesome! You'll have to reenact the beat down with me some day. I  _ totally _ want to know every detail.” He gives Kenny the dopiest grin and it sends a pang through the shorter teen again.

“Um... Yeah. Yeah I will. Not today, though. The whole ordeal was just  _ so _ draining. I don't want to have to relive it so soon.” He nods, placing his hand over his heart and gripping at the fabric of his shirt tightly. This is all just so fucking much for him that he can hardly believe it's real. The conversation with Dylan makes him feel like there could really be more to his friendship than he's thought. That everything could be the way he's dreamed of it being for so long. He just wants Larry to be happy. That's really all he wants.

And the idea that he could be happy with  _ him _ ? It honestly makes him nervous.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken so long. I've admittedly had two chapters of this written up for a while now (read: the whole 2.5 _years_ that I haven't posted in) and after reading some comments from all of you lovely people I've decided that it just wasn't fair to let them stay just for me. I'm adding this and today the next one will probably be released next month. After rereading it myself I can see why people like it so much and I hope that if I can get back into it I don't let any of you _down_. And now without further adieu... Chapter Four of Pining and Boldness. Thanks for sticking around

The bus ride home goes by quickly as they chatter about just what they're going to do with so long a weekend. It isn't often that they have so much time with just the two of them and they're  _ both _ just so excited over it. They've got a whole four days of just the two of them once they're back at the house and they still aren't sure how they'll spend it. Over all they feel a little less like the night before had been quite so troublesome to either and knowing that, even though they still need to talk about it, they're still friends.

Once they make it to the Gold household, though, Larry is quick to ask his mom if Kenny can borrow the car for their little snack expedition. After just a little bit of begging and convincing, she gives Kenny the keys and tells him to be careful. Larry knew that if he pulled the left alone card for Kenny his mom would cave. Maybe it's a little bit of a guilt trip and taking advantage of her kindness to his best friend, but still. She's more likely to trust Kenny with the car, anyway. He's had his license for nearly nine months now. That has to be enough for her to say yes.

And it is. They take the keys, with probably far too many thank yous from Kenny even to be polite, and make their way out. Larry slides in on the passenger side and watches Kenny as he adjusts the seat and mirrors with his lower lip between his teeth. If he were honest with himself he'd say he thought it was cute. But he hasn't been honest with himself about things like that with Kenny for quite a long time. It's hard for him to be, in all reality. When the thoughts about his best friend are more than just  _ friendship _ . Though how can he tell his friend he likes him when he's one of the only gay guys he knows? What if he thinks that he's saying it just because of that?

He doesn't want to hurt Kenny that way. He knows that his friend cares about him, but still. Even if Dylan had been telling the  _ truth _ about Kenny liking him... Maybe the older teen had been reading too much into it.

“Larry?”

He's snapped out of wondering just why a graduated student would be at their school in summer when Kenny speaks and his eyes go a little wide. “Huh?” Ever the eloquent responder, his eyes dart over Kenny as the other speaks.

“I said it looked like you were zoning, Lare.” He laughs, tilting his head in that stupid way that makes his pulse quicken and all Larry can do is clear his throat.

“I, uh, I was just thinking.” He chews at his lip and gives a little grin. “Anyway, though where do you wanna go to get snacks? I mean if we go out to Fairway it'll take a little longer but if we go to the corner store we won't have as many things we could get...” He hums, scrunching his nose as he acts like that's what he'd been thinking about the whole time.

Kenny just gives a shrug as he buckles up before pulling out of the driveway to get them to wherever they decided their destination really was. “Well. Your mom didn't say we had to bring the car back right away, right? She's staying in. With your dad?”

Larry nods at the other's words, a smile still on his lips. “Yeah! Are you suggesting we do something  _ reckless _ ?”

He shrugs, looking at the gas gauge and then back at Larry with a grin on his face. “A new comic shop opened about half an hour away. If we go now we might be able to check it out before it closes!” He turns his eyes forward again, keeping his eyes on the road and his hands at ten and two. “Though... Maybe that's not a good idea? I mean if your  _ dad _ found out we did that without asking...”

“Yeah, uh... Let's not do that. Maybe we can go some other time? We should go to the craft store and get stuff to work on our cosplays for that con, though!”

Giggling, Kenny just nods, grin still on his face. “We're going to look  _ so _ good if we can go! And the craft store is like  _ right  _ next to Fairway. Definitely a win-win.”

He nods, licking his lips and Larry is just glad to see his best friend smiling again. He'd seemed  _ strange _ since he'd found him in the bathroom. It makes him wonder just where he had to go in his argument with Shawn Keating. “We'll be the best reboot Kirk and Spock  _ ever _ .”

“I know! I'm  _ so _ psyched Larry you don't even know.” He bounces some in his seat and Larry isn't sure if it's from excitement or if he just can't quite see despite having adjusted the seat. He also isn't entirely sure which one is cuter.

Nonetheless they continue on their way to the craft shop and go over everything that they'll need to finish things They've already got the wigs and most of their costumes done, but they still have a few props to put together. Larry wonders, though, if his dad would even let them go. Or worse, if  _ Kenny's _ dad would let them. He's been so against Kenny being gay that he hardly lets Larry into the house anymore, even though he's done nothing wrong. Just being a male friend seems like enough for Achmed Al-Bahir to forbid him from being in a room alone with his son.

As they walk through the craft store their eternal debate of Star Trek versus Star Wars is put on hold in favor of finding everything they're going to need. It strikes them both at the same time that the debate could be put on hold even further as they agree to trying out Luke and Han Solo just to even the playing field, but they soon have to leave the shop to get their snacks.

After little debate and bargaining, the two have a few bags of snacks and Larry is glad that his dad actually gives him an allowance yet, otherwise it would have been difficult to make the purchases. Still, though, they leave with chips and candy in tow and Larry can see the excitement in Kenny's eyes that they're going to be staying at his house for once. Even if he doesn't have all of the movies or games that Larry does, mostly due to parental restriction than anything else, he still has plenty of things for them to do.

On the way back they make idle chatter but Larry is still left with a feeling like he should say  _ something _ about how he feels. If how he felt about Kenny was so obvious to someone that barely knew him, then could the other teen tell too? Or maybe it was so obvious to someone else because he could see the two of them from the outside.

Or maybe Dylan was just lying so that Larry wouldn't be forced to hate him even more for breaking his best friend's heart.

It doesn't matter at the moment, though. Not when the two of them have bags of snacks and materials to bring into Kenny's house after dropping off the keys with Larry's mom and, once again, thanking her for letting them take the car. With all of the things unpacked at Kenny's, they're quick to start watching movies in the living room. It isn't often that they get to at his house and, with a bowl of popcorn between them, Larry feels like this could  _ almost _ be a date.

Though really he feels like he'd have a better idea if it were one if he'd been on more of them in his life.

But still he knows that he needs to say something. He isn't sure if it's the right time. He feels so at home with Kenny next to him making fun of the bad dubbing in the anime they're watching, and he doesn't want to give that up. Not for anything.

He isn't sure when it happened, but at some point while watching the show, Kenny had decided that laying on the couch and letting his head rest in Larry's lap would be the best course of action and Larry is left flustered. Yes, Kenny is his best friend. And yes, he has an awful lot to talk to him about with how he feels about him.   But is he ready for that? Is he  _ ready _ to fess up about how much he likes him and to admit that he isn't entirely straight?

He isn't sure.

He doesn't  _ know _ if he can do that yet and he doesn't know if he can even broach the subject. Even as the anime they're watching gets interesting he's left in a mess in his own mind, even when Kenny starts to hum along with the theme song absently.  _ God _ that's fucking cute.

Larry settles in just a little more on the couch, his fingers toying idly with the other's soft mess of curls and he hardly notices the quiet hitch in Kenny's breath as he does. Really he  _ does _ notice. He pretends he doesn't. Pretends that it's completely normal to sit on the couch with his best friend's head in his lap and that wanting to just lean down and maybe kiss him or something isn't something his parents would probably disown him for.

So he sits. He sits and watches shitty anime and decides that maybe tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow is better. Tonight still scares him a little.


End file.
